A love affair with my flaws and adventures in non porn compliance.

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New study shows makeup is not optional.

The Beauty Bias:  The injustice of appearance in life and law

Still a relevant topic, no?  Beyonce is applauded for her bravery in the lyrics of “Pretty Hurts” but she perpetuates every stereotype she speaks out against.  This is the strength of the cage.  Several funny, yet home hitting things I have read on various feminist blogs have hit a resonant chord with me, as I have failed to pay my ‘lady tax’ this week.  I have displayed a non porn-compliant face.  This week, my ‘invisible without mascara’ eyelashes were allowed to disappear into obscurity.  I have embraced the constellation of adult acne that kisses my face like rainbow jimmies on an ice-cream cone.  I did not use foundation so my skin might have the texture of a powdered donut.  Today I shirked my social responsibility to style my bangs so that I could be recognized as a ‘manic pixie dream girl’ to some lonely & misunderstood bastard in vintage Adidas sneakers.  I just let the suckers be absorbed into the homogenized grease ball of mouse colored thin hair that whispers across my scalp.  At Victoria’s Secret they promised that I was a 32 C.  But I know I’m a glorified A.  I have hairy toes and an outie belly button.  When I’m tired I have fine lines under my eyes from smiling so much.  My under arm body odor competes with any man’s as I have discovered from a week of avoiding deodorant.  A noted lack of compliments has resulted.  I paraphrase, “They say I am letting myself go, but that’s okay, because I have been captive for too long.”  The drive to ‘be pretty’ is so innate and internalized that I have found myself in the past giving other naked faced women ‘mental makeovers.’  I dart my eyes around nervously at work as I wonder if other women are doing this to me.  While deep in activity my self consciousness is lost for rare fleeting moments, especially in nature or during exercise or prayer.  I think about Einstein’s hair and how much time he must have awarded himself from not worrying about vanity.  I think about the skull under my bones and my body slowly decaying and I find peace.  Yet, at work this is a rare solace, as a small mirror sits behind the front desk belonging to my coworker.  It sits like a cruel reminder at all times that my job is to be friendly and pretty and docile.  I hide it behind the computer.  I wonder if I am not doing my job to greet the mostly male clientele and “be pretty.”  I am still greeting everybody, still being friendly yet feeling inconsolably neurotic over a lack of mascara.  This week I am teased on several occasions for my eating and studying habits.  Of course, it must be because of the lack of makeup!  My mind projects.  My vulnerability attracts energy vultures.

Are these things real or projections?  I have no concrete proof.

What other conclusions may be drawn from this adventure will be charted.  Will I go back to makeup, deodorant and pushup bras?  Stay tuned.

One thought on “A love affair with my flaws and adventures in non porn compliance.

  1. push up popsicles and push up bras were only for the goons in our teens, lets forget about all the stuff you found in malls and just go camping

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